Getting back into life… sorta

Sunday!!! I love Sunday for several reasons. One, it’s my husbands day off so it is normally a family/ be with friends day. One of my all time favorite things is to be out and about and socializing as a family. Then of course, two is I love going to church. For the first time in our marriage, we have a church that is the perfect fit for us and Isaac and I both feel truly encouraged and refreshed as well as enjoy coming alongside for outreach and ministry. Emmy is 4 so as long as the Sunday school class stays stocked with goldfish and apple juice, she’ll be fine for a while but they do have a great community for all ages. My third reason for my love of Sundays is that it has a combination of feelings regarding the week before and ahead. For me anyway, I feel like it releases the burdens of the previous week and like I can take a deep breath and say all the good and bad that occurred is over while still exciting and preparing myself for the upcoming week. So yeah, Sunday is a trifecta day for me! How about you? Sundays… Love? Hate? Meh? Why/ why not?

Ok! So on to how my last goal went and what my next one is going to be. Ya’ll I’m happy to say that I woke up every morning at 5AM! There were one or two mornings I really wanted to roll over and go back to sleep because of insomnia issues all night but I was so determined to make this 5AM thing work that I mentally wouldn’t even go there. Determination and knowing my friend Leia was going to text to make sure my eyes were open were definitely the keys to my success. So shout out to my friend Leia! Thanks, girl! Getting up earlier has already greatly improved my day and made me more productive just by happenstance. I had a chance to wake up before chaos ensued so I didn’t start the day feeling bombarded and like I had no space. I was more mentally present during Isaac and my coffee time, and I was very eager to jump out of bed and start the day with my Emmy. I felt more mentally alive than I have since last October. I’m so grateful for this and it’s making me so excited to keep making deliberate adjustments and changes to my life one step at a time!

My goal for this week is kinda sad and pathetic and a true testament to my need for a lifestyle change. First, I am going to say that especially growing up I LOVED reading! I’ve always loved reading, writing, English studies, the whole shebang. But sadly, I have not read to completion one whole book since I got married. I know! Almost 6 years without completing a book! (Probably even longer because I don’t think I’ve read a book since 2 years prior to marriage either.) I’m not entirely sure why but I think part of it has been that I’ve become more mentally all over the place and even more of a multi-tasker that I have a hard time picking up a book and just focusing. Quiet and laid back has never been my thing. I’ve always been pretty hyper active and thrive off of accomplishing big tasks. Alright, enough preface. Can you guess what my goal is? Yep! This week it is to read one chapter of a book (title TBD- follow my Instagram or Facebook for daily updates) per evening before turning on the TV or starting to scroll on my phone. Ultimately, I’d love to read myself to sleep. I’ve done it before and I prefer that method of falling asleep so I’ll be choosing a book that’s more of a lighter read and not too emotionally engaging.

Now onto the fun stuff… the happenings of this past week with lotsa pictures. As I mentioned above, the 5AM waking has made a huge difference in my mentality going into the day. I’m giddy and over the moon excited! Also this week, I am finally starting to feel like I’m getting back to my happy, life loving self. Obviously I’ve still had several moments of tears and still trying to emotionally process things. I said in my IG and FB story this week that I feel like I haven’t actually grieved yet and that I haven’t gotten past the whirlwind of the pregnancy and shock of losing our baby. I’m still in the I’m sad and this sucks phase but not actually processed it. Does that make any sense? But other than that (which I can’t force and will have to patiently wait for), I’m getting back to HAPPY! Also for the first time in probably 2 years or more, I’m wanting to do special projects and get crafty! I’ve been very open about my struggles with debilitating depression and one of the side affects from that has been that I didn’t want to do anything but leave the house and live in my car with my child. I’ve been light-heartedly teased by many about how much I’ve traveled, especially with just Emmy, but a lot of that travel, while absolutely amazing and gave me even more zeal continue to do it, was born from an inability to cope with my depression. So I was literally running away the only way I could in good conscience. I loathed the idea of doing a project at home and felt so overwhelmed by what used to be my every day passion and key point for thriving. Little things like scrapbooking or bigger things like intricate sewing projects or furniture repurposing, I just couldn’t bring myself to even try to want to do any of it. So yeah- the fact that I’m back at that point after 2 years and SO excited about being creative and crafty again is so intensely happy for me. And of course, I’m back to loving life in general. God is so good and I’m so glad He’s giving me this renewed zest and purpose!

And because I’m getting back into the swing of life since last fall, here are some of the happenings from this week. Emmy finally got the hang of using her little “MeReader” princess book set by herself and it made me super happy. She loves books and this opened up a whole new world for her. (Not trying to steal your line, Jasmine.) If you’ve never used these, I highly recommend trying them out. So fun! And P.S. I’m not making any money off this… Genuine fan here!

We were also able to finally get on top of our yard this week! I absolutely love yard work and while Isaac did the mowing, I spruced up the landscaping and spread pine straw. Emmy loves yard work days too because she can spend so much quality time outside either helping us where she can or playing by doing chalk or riding her bike. In the warmer summer days, we set up a little kiddie pool and she gets to splash around in that.

Getting in some bikin’ and soakin’ up the sun!
Pretty sure a new pair of gloves is in order… Not bad though considering they’re $10 gloves and I’ve had them about 4 years.

We also had our followup appointment from the surgery and miscarriage and were supposed to talk to my doctor about how we plan to proceed and get more information about what happened with this baby. (He did call to say he had trisomy 22 but that’s all he said.) As soon as he did the standard exam, I got dressed, Isaac, Emmy and the doctor came back in and as soon as he sat down for us to start talking,

his nurse came running in saying that they needed him next door at the hospital because a lady was in labor and the baby was almost there. So literally coat tails flying he jumps up, says “well I gotta go deliver a baby! I’ll just get a referral sent off” then dashes out. (Insert long pause with implied black expression on my face.) Obviously there’s nothing that could be done about it and its a really special thing that a new little baby is here. But I’ve been pretty upset about the fact that my husband had to leave work and we drove 45 minutes to do this long awaited consult and follow up and I’m still sitting here with tons of questions. The nurse didn’t come in and ask if we wanted to come back to talk or even tell us if we should come back or that we could go ahead and leave. Anyway, so he left and we eventually realized we should probably head out. What I’m trying to do is just get over it but I’m still a little salty about it. We really can’t take the time to go back any time soon and over the phone isn’t an option for me so I’m just going to have to wait till we go to Birmingham for our referral.

On Friday, we went to my 2 little sisters’ geography fair and they won first place! They did all the work themselves and really knew their stuff about Spain.

Abby, who is 18 on the left, and Naomi, who is 15 on the right, are the youngest out of 8 of us siblings and I get to attend a lot of their functions like this geography fair, some of their equestrian events, performances, etc. and it’s so much fun to see them grow.

With our Mama
First Place!
Say Cheese!

Something that doesn’t happen very often happened on Saturday. I woke up and realized “hey… I don’t have anything going on today!” So I looked around on Facebook events for what might have been going on that we could jump in to and the cutest little thing was happening at the art shop downtown. They had little frogs to paint and adopt for Leap Day! Like seriously you guys! The cutest thing ever! So we jumped out of bed, got dressed, and made sure we were at All About Art at opening time since there were only 44 available! We ended up being able to link up with some friends which made it even more fun! The art shop also has a large, colorful wing mural on the side and Emmy loves taking pictures every time we’re downtown no matter whats going on. And then of course, right after, she had to go see the model train at the hobby shop a couple doors down so we made that happen. She will sit and watch that thing go in circles forever!

All About Art – Enterprise, AL

I also went ahead and made this little memorial collage for all my angel babies. I’ve known for at least a year that I wanted to do something but non of what I came up with worked or was affordable right now. I can’t keep plants alive, figurines and sculptures (especially for 6-7 babies) tend to get expensive, and I wanted something that I could always see without being too ridiculous. So I made this scrapbook style collage and put it into an 8×10 frame that sits on my desk. Isaac and I decided to name our little boy we just lost a couple weeks ago… we named him “Leo”. Leo means “Lion” and as I’m sure you know, lions represent strength, courage and a fighting spirit which I feel represents both us and Leo. We didn’t know “Muffin’s” gender so we just stuck with the nickname we gave them since conception. Each of the other medallions with hand prints are the ones we lost prior to hearing a healthy heart beat. Each of them was lost around 7 weeks.

“Can a women forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold! I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands.”
~Isaiah 49:16

These pictures below I decided to take with some of the used shot syringes I had to self administer in my abdomen. I was also on hormones, oral blood thinners, and other supplements. I saw a picture of someone putting their rainbow baby in the middle just showing what a miracle it was and the work and pain it took to get them there and I had hoped to do the same thing. I’m not holding my little Leo in my arms but I still went through that same work and pain and I wanted to memorialize that mostly for myself.

Other than that, we’ve had a pretty quiet weekend which has been nice. I really am happy to feel like I’m getting back into the swing of things- not just physically but also mentally. This week is going to be pretty fun. You’ll have to check back in though to see why! (I post on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays first thing in the morning.) Wishing everyone a blessed and fantastic week! See you around!

2 thoughts on “Getting back into life… sorta

  1. Catching up on your blog!
    If you haven’t chosen a book yet, I HIGHLY recommend Educated by Tara Westover. I waited a whole year to get it from our library, and it did not disappoint. So relatable for anyone with a background like ours. I read every page of that book thinking,”Oh my gosh, someone else experienced this too!”

    Like

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